By: Wendy Duckworth Vance
Typically, when we think of something being passed from generation to generation we think of a specific item - a piece of jewelry, a home, or furniture. But what if it is more than things that we pass from generation to generation? What if we pass attitudes, ways of behaving, ways of reacting to a situation, or ways of dealing with relationships? Is it possible that we can shape our children in ways we do not intend with the decisions we make day to day, not just the big things, but the tiny things that we think are insignificant or temporary?
We say that children are resilient and that is, to a point, true. They seem to move from one thing to another quickly. They are crying one moment and playing and laughing the next, as if nothing happened. So we say they were not really hurt or that whatever happened did not affect them. But is that the truth or is the truth that the event or example becomes a part of their psyche, the filter through which they see the world? No, I am not saying that parents are to blame for all their children’s woes or bad choices, as we are all responsible for our choices. My question is more about the filter through which we make those decisions and choices. Are those filters impacted by our family of origin?
I believe that the Bible teaches that we do influence our children’s filters and worldview, and God tells us how we are supposed to be teaching our children and the outcome of our influence. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (NIV) God tells us, “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” In other translations it says that we are to teach them diligently to our children. So as parents we are to teach our children the commandments of God not just in passing but at every opportunity, whether at home or in public, from the time we get up until the time we lay down. So what is the reason for this admonition? Is it possible that there is some effect that we have on our children through the worldview we teach? I believe that the answer is made clear in Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) we are told “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” So it seems that God is telling us that if we diligently teach our children God’s commandment that they will become a part of them, embedded in their being.
So then, does that mean that if a child rejects God that it is the parent’s fault? By no means, the Word is clear that each person is responsible for their choice in relationship to the acceptance of Christ. We are, however, responsible for putting the truth in front of them so that it has the opportunity to become a part of them. They may not accept it immediately but someday the truth of God’s Word will come to fruition in their life. We can have confidence that it will be so because God tells us in Isaiah 55:10-11, “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My Word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it (ESV). To this day the rain and snow continue to fall and they do not come up empty, for the Earth still springs with life from seeds watered by the heavens. And just as in the days of Isaiah the Earth still gives evidence that His Word will be fruitful.
And if God’s Word does not convince you, look into yourself, into your past. Is there any way that you look at the world, and filter your decisions or choices you have made that you know came from childhood? Let me give you an example. In my family of origin, there was basically this unwritten rule or way of being that if you did something another member didn’t like, the family cut you out. The rest of the family would choose sides and the sides did not speak. The length of time could range from weeks to years or even life. I have recently realized that I have carried this way of dealing with difficult people and situations this way - I would remove myself from the situation rather than have conflict. It seems as if walking away has been my default. I mean that’s just what people do when things get relationally difficult, right? Wrong. That’s what I did because doing so had become a part of me, part of my being. This is a negative example of influence, but it nonetheless illustrates the point. What we diligently teach, whether intended or not, will become a part of our children. It will take root, it will grow, and it will manifest at some point. Let us then plant and water the seeds of the Word of God in our children. There could be no inheritance greater than citizenship in the Kingdom of the Living God.
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