At a Loss… And That's Okay - Hallelujah Anyway

By Wendy Duckworth Vance

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV).  It is likely that, as believers, we have all encountered situations, obstacles, or events in life that we do not understand.  These occasions seem to have no reason. In some circumstances, we may even question how God, who is loving, can allow said occurrence.  No matter how we try to make sense of the situation or listen to the deluge of advice or commentary from people around us, one is simply left at a loss.  This has been my story since the election in the U.S. in November. 

Like most who hoped and prayed for a different outcome, I have gone through a gamut in terms of emotions, from utter despair and hopelessness to anger. I have asked God why so many times that I have lost count.   I have cried out to God and said, "I know the other person had some planks in their platform that are not of you, but this person who won is just as unGodly, just in a different way.  He is cruel, seems to idolize Adolf Hitler, appears to be full of hate for various people, set on elevating the rich while oppressing the poor, the needy, and the sojourner; his lips do not seem to know the truth, supports, incites, and promotes violence,  is a serial adulterer,  commits fraud, in short, he would seem to violate every law laid out within the Bible. In my view and that of many others, he appears to be the very antithesis of Yeshua.  And yet, believers in Christ seem to flock to him and exalt him as if he were the Second Coming of Messiah.  Some even declare that he has been sent by God, an anointed one of sorts. 

As I said, I could not wrap my mind around why God would allow such a person to have a place of leadership or why believers would flock to the banner of a man who seemingly represents the opposite of Christlikeness.  Many have pointed out that God has used evil men in the past. While this is true, I just kept questioning why this one, why now? I soon realized that talking to other people would not help me resolve my questions. All too often, when I would open up to fellow believers, I was accused of not being a believer, not trusting God, or wanting to support abortion or the mutilation of children. None of which is true, and those who truly know me know my opposition to abortion and the work I have done for the cause of life.  And so I just shut down and stopped talking to people because it felt pointless. I decided instead that the better place to seek my answers was in the Bible and prayer.

Did I get some audible answer or a revolutionary idea that would help me understand? No. What I did find, however, is that it doesn't matter if I understand God's plan. As Isaiah points out, God's ways are so much higher than our ways that we will likely never fully understand them, at least not this side of Heaven. As I have said repeatedly in my writings, God has a purpose and a plan. We don't always have to nor will we always understand those plans but we can trust that at some point there will be a good outcome even if everything we think is important falls apart first.

In fact, the Bible tells us, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5, ESV). Of course, this is what I have been doing—trying to understand through human reason. I have had to accept that I am at a loss for understanding and that it is okay.  

Whether you know it or not, dear reader, this is a deeply uncomfortable and frightening conclusion for me.  I am a control freak who highly dislikes ambiguity.  And for me, the incoming administration feels like a whole lot of ambiguity, especially for people with disabilities, people of color, people who are experiencing poverty or homelessness, people who are immigrants, whether they're legal or illegal, or frankly, any other marginalized group. Any sound footing, any inclusion we have had, seems to be eroding away - so many questions swirl about our future on this Earth.

Armed with the assurance that I don't have to understand, I have come to an acceptance. God's will is going to be done regardless of my understanding.   Regardless of who rules now and the harm that they do, suffering will end, there will be peace, no more tears, no more hate, all will have enough to eat, all will have shelter, there will be no more war, and the pain of this current existence will be forgotten.  In the words of Brandon Lake's newest song, this understanding has created my own "hard fought hallelujah" within me.  Though these next years will likely be filled with hardship, loss, and mayhap even death, at least I can take solace in the fact that when I close my eyes in this life, my next conscious thought/sight will be the face of Yeshua at the last when He has ultimately overcome all the evil that now holds our world in its grip.   In that understanding, I can find peace, I can utter a heart felt hallelujah even from the depths of despair and dread of the terror that I believe is about to come upon those of us who exist on the margins of society.. His reasons are His alone, I do not understand but glory to His name - Hallelujah anyway.